Penis-Head, Literally

Yeah, China

Spyware name: Ghost Rat.

• Can spy on every e-mail and keystroke on your "humble desktop computer" including the ability to turn on your web-cam and microphone
• Can find out the names of  all documents and applications you have on your computer
• Tools used are can all be downloaded from the internet. 

One of the theories regarding Ghost Rat and this "murky realm" of cyber spying is that the people behind this are the Chinese government in order to spy on the Dalai Lama (His office discovered the bug), but "all signs point to China."

Just imagining all those cute/malicious pandas blatantly spying on the DL and specific international NGOs is enough to make this panda's chest puff up with pride...or is that shame?

Here's a podcast about it.

Why So Sad, Panda?

Ponies Gone Wild!

This panda always hated My Little Pony. That stupid song about rainbows (I hated rainbows as a child.  That's normal, right?) and secret names and what have you, and their horrible cartoon.  

Not to mention their funny sweet plastic smell and hair.  WTF ponies do not have people hair! Nor should they get in a turquoise human shaped bath tub.  (This was one of the accessories I got as a birthday present one year)

Luckily for me, Mari Kasurinen has made My Little Ponies accessible and even, (gasp!) lovable to Pony haters around the world.  

Honestly, when you are drawing from classic themes you can never go wrong.  Isn't that right, Cubee Craft?

Is it me or is the My Little Slave Leia strangely attractive?  More so than her human model.

I don't even like Alien vs. Predator but these are off the hook! Predator is about to F some Alien up! 

A classic duo that only seems appropriate done up in pony.

And you thought the Heath Ledger version was scary.  See you in my nightmares, Joker Pony.

Addendum: I'm Really Really Dumb, Apparently

Notice that The Coldest Winter Ever made the list.  But what about Midnight?  Thanks to Shotor this panda has had the pleasure of reading the latest book from the streets, in 3 days mind you.  The author's son has been heard to say that the book changed his life.  But honestly, the book seems more like an opportunity to rag on black women.  Does it seem that way to anyone else?  Because I know you all have read it.  Don't lie.

Additionally the book seems to condone the Sudanese lifestyle, which, while I'll say there is nothing wrong with, seems very odd in that the main character is married by the time he is 14.  To a 16-years-young (the protagonist's words, not mine) Japanese girl.  She is amazingly fitted; her outfits are described to the most minute detail.  Yet, call it panda intuition, I can't help feeling like her Asian-ness is exploited somewhat in with her brilliant artistry, her crazy hooked-up outfits, and the fact that she doesn't speak English.  

Here are some photos of the major players from the inside of the book cover:

          
     
               

                        
     
                                       

Hello, Sweatpants?

Panda calling.

Please come over right now and get on my bottom.

OK?

Bring Sweatshorts if she cares to come along.

Great.

See you soon.

They're Not Just Good, They're Golden

He Wore Blue, Not Green!

Happy St. Pattie's Day. This is almost as good as Whistle Tips.

Googoosh is the Persian Version of a Hustler

Her Memory Lane tour kicks off at Paramount in Oakland this Saturday, the day after Persian New Year. I was fortunate enough to see her live in concert during her 2000 tour. Tickets this year are going for $250.00.

How could I not adore someone who has better hair than me?


She's basically beyond fierce. She's turning 59 this year (or next year, depending on your calendar of choice) and still no one can top her game.

check out these moves:

Fairy Tales CAN Come True

I'm Really Really Dumb, Apparently

According to this article, fans of Beyonce are stupid.  HaHA!  This panda did not need a study to know the truth about that, however JT fans were also ranked poorly.  Sacrilege!  I believe the article even says,

"Lovers of Lil Wayne were deemed least intelligent" 

Come on, if you can come up with mixtape covers like this all the time you have to be lightweight brilliant.  And your fans have to be to appreciate it.  Right? Maybe you better have another look:

I believe fans of Jaÿ-Z rank below fans of Akon.  Can that even be true?  The study also said that U2 fans are smart.  Really?  The dude who said, "Uno, dos, tres, catorce" has smart fans? So obviously it has some kinks that need to be worked out.  Way to be good at SAT taking, losers.

I'm not really sure how to interpret the graph.  on the one hand I love Weezy aka the best rapper alive.  Not to be confused with Chamillionaire who also claims this title. ("My initials is F. U. I'm the best rapper alive", anyone?) This would indicate that I scored 876 or less on my SATs.  On the other hand My SAT bracket was left blank so apparently I don't like anything, especially not R&B.

See for yourself: Music That Makes You Dumb

Art for the Sophisticated US Weekly Reader

Young Brit Liz Lomax likes to build wire and clay statues of celebrities and then photograph them. Her next venture is Octupto-Mom. There will be feet dangling in that piece.

One time I was giving a workshop and an attendee told me I looked like Amy Winehouse. I think she meant it as a compliment.

If she ever creates Prince hugging a camel, I WILL HAVE IT! Ringo Starr apparently had to have a Liz Lomax life-size statue of a cow.

Too Soon? Part Deux

This leaked from the new album apparently.

Emergency Room - Mario ft. Rihanna

Hook:

You gon be in the emergency room

I'm standing by your bed

And searching to pull out your IV

You gon be in the emergency room

I'm fighting with myself

I can't hurt you even though you hurt me

You gon be in the emergency room

Trying to call a nurse but nobody can help you now

Let me see you try to live without me

Now where's your heartbeat?

Flatline on the EKG

Mario's part:

I did you wrong, girl

Had a bunch of numbers in my phone, girl

But we been in this relationship too long, girl

For you to be listenin to your silly homegirls

Better go on, girl

Now baby think about it

Everything we do they gon read about it

Put it on a radio and TV outlet

Do you want to see your picture in that paper

You know them haters

You hear that 808

The drum 

That's my heartbeat

I'm going numb 

I said Rihanna

I'm feeling stressed

I'm going under cardiac arrest

Even though this is out of pocket, Mario kills it, don't you think?

Dejá Vu All Over Again

I just saw this amazing preview.  It's a movie about drag racing.  It drops 4.3.09.  Once you watch this preview I'm sure you'll be hyped off it as much as I am:

Pro: Tego Calderón, my favorite Dominican rapper is featured here on the website.

Con: They couldn't use a newer song than "Crank That" for the trailer? I'm only a panda but somehow SouljaBoy Tell'em does not say "Drag Racing" to me. 

Pro: Didn't a movie of this title come out in 2001?  My mistake, that was The Fast and The Furious.  Completely Different.

Only 23 days, 10 hours 22 minutes and 22 seconds according to the countdown...

Bite Bite Bite?

Thanks, Cuz!

Soldier Salute Done Right

      

July 11, 2007

Condom fashion show, anyone? I accept.

4th China Reproductive Health New Technologies & Products Expo

When You Spit From the 26th Floor...

Does it float on the breeze to the ground?

Does it fall upon hats...?

Or white persian cats...?

Or on heads with a pitty-pat sound?

I used to think life was a bore...

But I don't feel that way anymore...

As I count up the hits...

And I smile as I sit...

And I spit from the 26th floor!