Thanksgiving Rant

Who's favorite holiday is not Thanksgiving? I keep hearing, "I think it's my favorite holiday" in a tone that conveys that the person thinks he/she is unusual for thinking so, not in an aren't I original hipster kind of way, but a legitimately out of it kind of way.  These people really think they are in the minority.  What I want to know is, what other amazing holidays are in contention? 

Props to my brother who, when asked to explain the feast to our great aunt (visiting from Hong Kong) told her in broken Mandarin (dramatization), "It's everyone's favorite."   Thanks for squashing the bullsh**, Big Bro.

Nemises

Hipsters are lame.  Not only do they take everything cool, they make us civilians feel dumb for having liked whatever it was they stole in the first place.  Example A: PBR. Was just a good ol' cheap beer 'til hipsters started drinking it. Then I didn't want it anymore.  Example B: Tecate. The current cheap beer of choice, so amazing especially when you can get it in a can at a bar for $2.  This however brings up the paradox of hipsterdom.  Once hipsters adopt something it is in high demand and becomes readily available everywhere so as to make hipsters shun it for becoming to popular all thanks to them. 

Other examples include, plaid, the color purple, Ray Bans and Clarks, all of which I have loved for a very long time but now feel I

 can no longer love because of their prevalence in the hipster community.  Which also means I have nothing to wear.  

This brings us to my secondary nemesis of long standing (The second of 2 nemises if you will).  All of the things I have listed above are available at the dreaded UO—except the beer of course (though I'm sure their creative team is developing a way to market that as we speak).

My relationship with UO goes something like this:

I find something cool that I love and want to buy like these amazing dunks (left) that seem to be available only at the Nike Sportswear boutique.  I make plans to buy them.  Then they appear on the UO website.  I can no longer buy them. 

Sometimes, however, I am not so lucky.  Some

times I scour the Haight for some amazing wrestling boots which were all the rage in Europe at the time but were too cool for the US by far .  I find some bad Asics (below).

I buy them.  2 months later guess who stocks them in stores? I can no longer wear them for at least 3 years (speaking of which, time's almost up! Hooray, time to bust those puppies out again).  Side-note: Have you seen the Onitsuka Tiger Snow Heaven 72? Hilarious.

Another of my fave items: minnetonka mocs are also demoted to recluse-wear (in house) because I stupidly bought the ultra-cheap-most-common-version(brown) from a DSW-like store in Sacramento instead of buying the one's I really wanted(white).

Sometimes the item in question does not even exist yet, but is solely in my head.  I don't take credit for high waisted jeans coming back but I sho' know I wanted 'em before they were available to buy...

Best case scenario: I buy the item on sale from the dreaded store.  This has not happened to date but I keep checking just in case.

Item of note these days: a wrap cardigan with a navajo rug pattern on it.  Unmentionable store had one that was nice but it was on sale for $59.99 which seems like a pretty non-sale price to me. 

I also hate buying things from that store because the quality is so inconsistent.  One pair of amazing jeans from there, another from the same label, same size, completely huge and mom-butting.

The thing I hate the most though, about hipsters and UO alike is that competitive feeling I get when I see something I wanted or someone wearing things I think of as part of my individual style. I feel the need to point out that I saw the trend first, or was wearing it in 1983 (before I was born, by the way) or whatever little detail I can think of that will prove that I am different from the masses. 

  Which is why I love this article in the Times: The Fashion Report of 1920.

Redwings and a Filson jacket

are definately what I need to be rocking.  But I'm sure my nemesis will come out with them next week...

aHA!

Remember how I was speculating about the alleged quality of certain "high quality" (read: expensive) designers?  How I conjectured that they only assemble their products in France (read: Fronce) or wherever so as to alleviate concerns regarding exploited workers?  How I felt guilty about wanting to buy a knock-off purse in NY because of all the commentary I read online (read: no life).  Here's is something to think about.  

And now, a funny clip from the Shield:

  

Watch the scene starting at 23:31-24:51

The scene starting at 34:37

Then watch the scene from 39:23

On Vampire Movies

Twilight: Vampire Movie? Or Tween Drama?

Given the rampant popularity of the Twilight series which has three titles (of four best sellers) currently on the Wall Street Journal best seller list (yes, we subscribe to the Wall Street Journal—don't hate, it's free), and prompted by a close friend who confessed her addiction to the books, I have compiled some very entertaining reviews of the new movie plus some related articles about vampires and a list of favorite vampire movies.

Critics have compared Stephenie Meyer's series to the likes of Harry Potter which has yet to experience a lull in popularity among children and adults alike (the next movie installment is due July of 2009). On this I would like to call attention to a group of acquaintances, I am seriously reconsidering our relationship, who have scorned my scorn of the HP series by scoffing, "It doesn't get good 'til book four," after I confessed that I had only read books 1-3 before proclaiming the series lame.

However, it is unlikely that Twilight will live up to this comparison as it seems to appeal only to tweens (tween girls, that is) and one of my friends. Ironically, the lead vampire is played by Robert Pattinson, who played Cedric Diggory in HP#2 and 4. Or is it ironic? You decide. Before writing this series, Meyers was apparently a housewife from Phoenix, Arizona who graduated from BYU(Mormons!). This alone, should be enough for many to judge the quality of the book, as anyone who's been to Phoenix or has seen the Arizona Diamondbacks original uniform will tell you.

A first time author, Meyers has created a world of "vegetarian" vampires (they don't drink human blood) who break all the rules of vampire stories, which contradictorily, is a typical vampire movie move. I have been known to badmouth Harry Potter on occasion and see no reason not to do the same with Twilight while ultimately succumbing to watching it online as I do with the HP movies, followed by more badmouthing.

Other deciding factors: Writer, Melissa Rosenberg, also wrote for The OC, Boston Public and Party of Five. Director, Catherine Hardwicke created such gems as Thirteen and Lords of Dogtown.

The San Francisco Chronicle's Peter Hartlaub says, "Twilight has Jason Patric and Jami Gertz, but it needs a Kiefer Sutherland. The bad guys are an afterthought in this movie and when they show up they're only slightly more menacing than a class bully. The special effects are also borderline ridiculous—particularly when the vampires are either running super fast (you'll want to fill in you're own Six Milllion Dollar Man sound effects) or exposed to the sun. Which brings us to the sparkling, a phenomenon that causes light stricken vampires to suddenly look as if they've had a horrible accident involving a glitter truck and an angry mob armed with Bedazzlers. What may seem cool in the book looks like a human disco ball onscreen...Twilight has a few gory plot turns—mostly off screen—and one near-sex scene that may offend a few Amish people but the rest is maybe 33 percent less wholesome than High School Musical. It's almost certainly less risqué than what you were watching when you were 14 (cue the soundtrack to Risky Business). One more small note, which is very important for the future of our economy: Several characters in this movie have George Michael's gravity defying bird's nest hair from the Wham! Make It Big sessions which looks only slightly less ridiculous now than it did in 1984." (full article here)

WSJ says: "Attention, all 13-year-old female readers of this newspaper: Run, do not walk, to the nearest multiplex playing Twilight, the screen version of Stephenie Meyers' best selling pot-boiler about a principled vampire and the teenage girl who loves him. Others needn't run. Or walk."(Weekend Journal W1, Joe Morgenstern. 11.21.08)

New York Times says: "This carefully faithful adaptation traces the sighs and whispers, the shy glances and furious glares of two unlikely teenage lovers who fall into each other's pale, pale arms amid swirling hormones, raging instincts, high school dramas and oh-so-confusing feelings, like, OMG he's SO HOT!! Does he like ME?? Will he KILL me??? I don't CARE!!! :)"

If you're still in the mood to see a vampire movie now that I've ruined that for you, consider Let The Right One In, the tale of a friendship between a 12 year old boy and 12 year old looking girl(?)/vampire set in Sweden in the 70s. Also worthy of note, the sheer incompetence of the vampire's keeper to discreetly get blood for her. Unlike Twilight's leads both children have received praise, and the plot is an original twist on the classic vampire as opposed to a contrived one.

Here are some reviews:

New York Times

Chronicle

TriBeca Review

and 97% from Rotten Tomatoes

Finally, as promised, a list of enjoyable vampire movies/show/book in no particular order:

(Disclaimer: to enjoy vampire movies you must allow a certain level of hokeyness as a given)

Blade Trilogy (Wesley Snipes as a 1/2 human 1/2 vampire. As a person of mixed race myself I appreciate the problems Snipes encounters with self identity. More like an action movie shot at night)

30 Days of Night

Buffy the Vampire Slayer (classic metaphor, read more analysis here)

28 Days/Weeks Later (Do zombie movies count? I think this one does just cuz it's so great, I'm pushing for 28 Months Later and 28 Years Later sequels)

From Dusk Til Dawn (Tarantino=pretentious but brilliant)

The Lost Boys (The end scene at the house makes the whole thing worthwhile)

Queen of the Damned. Just kidding.

Underworld, Underworld: Evolution, Underworld: Rise of the Lycans (if you don't love these, you don't like vampire movies)

Honorable mention: Resident Evils (another zombie series which I have to watch everytime they are on TV)

Although I Am Legend totally sooked, the book was supposedly far superior and featured more vampire-like zombies so that gets on the list too, the book that is.

Any suggestions?

Answer to above question regarding irony: No.

Franklin vs. Willett: Battle Royale 16th Century

Things Invented by Ben Franklin according to actual 3rd Graders:

Electricity

Light Bulb

Kites

Candles

Things He Really Invented:

Odometer

Franklin Stove, Flexible Catheter

Lightning Rod

Glass Armonica (Harmonica) 

Swim Fins

3-Wheel-Clock (Only had an hour hand, "Economical, but not quite practical" according to Franklin biographer Carl Van Doren)

                                 Library Chair/Step Stool (right)

Long Reach Device aka Grabber (Left)

Magic Squares (precursor to Sudoku?)

Services Established:

Street Lights

Paved Roads

Post Office

Fire Company

Insurance

                                 Library Company

Note: On this Ben Franklin FAQ (actual name) one FAQ is:

"Do I have Ben's Signature?

Franklin never identified himself as 'Ben.' His signature was 'B. Franklin.' To authenticate Franklin's signature you should contact the American Philosophical Society, Independence Natioal Historical Park, or The Library Company. All of these institutions are located in Philadelphia.

Things actual 3rd Graders Say About William Willett:

"Who?"

Things William Willett Invented:

"Daylight Savings Time"

I think the winner is clear.

Revelations 2008

I never thought I would make it here!  I would be a great class president because I promise to put 2 new pop machines in the cafeteria, and I'm also gonna get a glitter Bonne Belle dispenser for all the girl's bathrooms...Who wants to eat chiminy-changas next year? Not me.  See, with me, it will be summer all year long. Vote for Summer!

-Summer

 Napoleon Dynamite

Now that Obama has won the election, he is beginning to show his true colors.  Important issues which were not addressed during his campaign are being brought to light, which will put an interesting twist on the next set of approval ratings and have voters seriously reconsidering their votes.   Not only does our president-elect want to eliminate daylight savings, he is pushing strongly for an eight team playoff in college football.

Daylight savings time is an archaic tradition that was once thought to provide more daylight waking hours so as to reduce the use of incandescent lighting. However, the practice is fairly controversial as it benefits afternoon "leisure" activities such as shopping and sporting events while other ways of life such as farming, are adversely affected.  There is some controversy as to whether DST was invented by Benjamin Franklin, who invented

most things, or by William Willett, who according to Wikipedia, is often ignored or overlooked as the true inventor and advocator.  I find this questionable since Franklin's idea was for everyone to get up earlier in the summer to make use of the long days and was suggested in 1784 while Willett, who was not born until 1856 proposed a completely different idea: to physically change the clocks (Franklin also advocated the use of cannons to wake Parisians at sunrise in the summer months).  According to the New York Times, DST, which has always been thought to save energy, in fact uses about 1% more energy while  annoying us about 25% every time we have to change.                      Portrait of William Willett 

By my calculations we would save about 50% in annoyance energy alone if we stopped using DST for good.

 

 

2nd major issue of note: eliminating the BCS bowl system which has been compared to privatized companies in corporate America and demonized in similar fashion by Ralph Nader in this article.  I especially enjoy how he points out the ridiculous protests of anti-playoff maniacs who argue that student-athletes (football players) will not have enough study time while March Madness, a 64 game tournament for other student-athletes (hoop teams) clearly leaves enough time.  I've been saying this for years.  Josh Levin of Slate Magazine compares college football beautifully (and hilariously) to lobbying reform which he calls, "the chenille throw of American politics."  Obama meanwhile is pushing for his eight team playoff on a 60 Minutes interview, his first on TV since election night.  In the interview with Steve Kroft, he also gauges his level of intelligence on the fact that he's "not going to compare his mother in law to a new dog."  He says, "I don't tell my mother in law what to do, I'm not stupid, that's why I got elected president."  It's good to know the man has some smarts and he's not afraid to use 'em (a refreshing change of pace).

When asked about a college football playoff he proclaims its importance off the bat.

"Look," he says, (puts down Michelle's hand and excuses himself to her. "Oh, yes please," she says, "don't mind me").  He then proceeds to rationalize the playoff system by saying that "sensible people" would say the same, and "I don't know any serious fan of college football who has disagreed with me on this so, I'm gonna throw my weight around a little bit.  I think it's the right thing to do." 

As my dad said, when he first saw this segment, "He has a flaw." Although I agree that the BCS bowl system is fundamentally problematic (especially in the last couple of seasons and the apparent arbitrary nature of it all) I'm not sure cutting back on the regular season for an 8 team playoff is the solution.  This system would heavily decrease the value of inter-conference play while simultaneously over-valuing a shorter game schedule within conferences.  Division I-A Teams only play about 12 games per season as is, the majority of which are within the conference.  Would games outside of conference play be eliminated?  By that standard, this year's Pac-10 would look something like this to date:

USC  7-1

Oregon 6-2

Arizona 4-3

Cal 4-3

Stanford 4-4

UCLA 3-4

Arizona St. 3-4

Washinton St. 0-8

With 2 more games to go for Oregon St. to potentially upset USC for the title.  Oregon fans will definitely oppose the shorter season as it gives their team even less opportunity to wear the 400+ combinations of game-day unis.  Others will surely have to agree although perhaps for different reasons.

If you are still reading you're thinking, Hmm, 9 games does not seem like enough to determine a clear winner and you're right, not only because even pros play around 16 games per regular season, but also because college teams improve vastly from week to week and if the conference is at all close the best team in the conference doesn't seem so great, or at least not better than the 2nd or 3rd place team.  Short of canceling the national championship in years when teams are only so-so, a playoff does seem like a viable option in theory, but may in practice turn out to be another system to badmouth especially if we continue to have wild, unpredictable seasons.  On the other hand, perhaps a reform would put an end to anouncers' speculation about who will be #1 from week to week: they might actually know for a change.

Endangered Fish or Aborted Fetus? You decide.

My coworker who is unwaivering in the face of danger and who mentioned being held up at gun-point as a side-note in a conversation about purses adding, "he took my favorite clutch!" screamed like a toddler and hid her face in her hands at the site of this little swimmy guy.

According to Treehugger.com this is a "Mexican Walking fish" whose habitat is being compromised because of water pollution and the wild, hungry vengeance of non-native species. Yet some, like my coworker, are skeptical. Some say it is a smiling fetus that no longer calls the womb home. I would therefore like provide a forum and safe space for people to discuss their thoughts and feelings on the true nature of this creature.

Also, endangered species is an emotional subject for a lot of us and I do ask for respect while discussing. The panda, for instance is endangered. (but the camel is here to stay, sucka!)

Dear William Gibson,

Please sell these shoe ideas to Nike because I need to own them.

"...they were wearing the same kind of black high-top SWAT-trainers that Rydell had worn on patrol in nKnoxville, the ones with the Kevlar insoles in case somebody nuck up and tried to shoot you in the bottom of the foot....'I had a pair of shoes like that,' Rydell said. 'Made in Portland, Oregon.  Two hun

dred ninety-nine dollars out at CostCo.'"

"...great big pebble-grain wingtips with cleated Vibram soles"

"...sneakers with little red ligts embedded in the edges of the soles...He had his feet up on the back of the front passenger seat and the little red lights around the edges of his sneakers were spelling out the lyrics to some song."

I have attached some drawings of what I think the shoes look like.

Thank you very much,

Sincerely,

Chinita Linda

Brilliant

Do you remember The Coldest Winter Ever?

We do.

I especially remember how I dug a beat up copy out of some discard box on the street and subsequently passed it around to all my friends to use as a quiet/silent reading book.  Remember those days?

A "Sister Souljah moment" is an expression coined during the LA riots and the Clinton administration's response to them.  I was intrigued by the book not only because of it's author's name (check her website out), but also because it was the only book I had ever (and maybe to this date have ever) heard a radio commercial for.  Chuy Gomez told me to check the book out so naturally, I had to.  Apparently many others felt the same.  You know who you are. 

Here are some key phrases listed on amazon.com about the book:

cheap shoes, bad bitch, don't worry, Long Island, Slick Kid, House of Success.  With reviews from the likes of Sean "Puffy" Combs (remember when he called himself that?) and a cameo in the book by Souljah herself, not to mention the gripping blunt prose, there is a lot to love.  If the above isn't enough to entice first time readers, I don't know what is.  Talks of a movie deal with HBO or perhaps Jada Pinkett Smith are enough for the long-time fans.

In any case, the self proclaimed "multidimensional" writer/activist/recording artist is out with the prequel/sequel to the national bestseller this month, only 9 years later.  Book club anyone?  Here's the new book's review in The Root.

Oh yeah,

It's title?  Midnight: A Gangster Love Story

(Un)healthy Obsession

I know he's a teeny bopper...

And he has lyrics like "I'll have you sayin' he can't be 16", "You and me, moving at the speed of light into eternity" and my personal favorite, "I walked, I ran, I jumped, I flew (I skipped I hopped...)"

Not to mention a certain hook which was blatantly appropriated from a gum commercial...

Even though writers for his songs like to put his love interests in baby tees...

And said he sees himself surpassing MJ (Sacrilege!)

In spite of all this, friends, I am fixated on the man(boy?). I will watch any show that he is on including the Tyra Banks Show. It's that bad.

What especially doesn't help though is friends who make fun, then anonymously encourage so they can love him vicariously through me.

Exhibit A, found on pillow:

Business Casual circa 2008

I had a two-day conference to go to this week in San Francisco and on the agenda it said, "attire is business casual." Now when I think of business casual, several key words come to mind such as "relaxed fit," "capri," and "khaki." A long time ago I made a promise to myself that I would never put on another pair of capris (or worse, relaxed fit khaki capris) ever again. The exceptions being jewel and sequins embezzlement.
So the night before the conference I deliberately picked out an outfit that was both toned down from my usual fanciful affair and non relaxed fit, khaki, or capri. I prepared myself for the painful non-profit employee takes on white collar attire, but I had not prepared myself for what I saw comfortably seated in the conference room--fleece. There were fleece jackets and fleece vests everywhere in an array of natural tones. The fleece was then paired with an unfortunate trouser and (gasp!) clogs. The clogs were mainly on the women, but the fleece saw no boundaries. Quick bit of life advice: clothing bought at REI can never constitute as day wear unless a park or reserve is on the agenda.

Prohibition Schmohibition!

Like a polar bear that has to hibernate in the cold season, I have to craft. (I cringe at using that word as a verb but it has now become unavoidable. Don't get me started on combo words either... crafternoon=vomit.) Now that the temperature has turned slightly cold, I've been struck with the irrepressable urge to create things. I'm 2 for 2 in trips to JoAnn in days since Sunday.

My main purpose in going there was two-fold: the first is because I would like to make all my low-rise jeans high waisted. This was in fact a suggestion from my mom who is intermittently brilliant but consistently innovative. (This subject deserves it's own post, it's that amazing)

Second reason: to copy le sac dress from American Apparel

It is literally 2 curtains (therefore rectangles) sewn together with a string where the curtain rod would go. The concept is pretty much inspired, one dress you can wear 20 different ways but for $38 I can make 4 or 5. Which makes me wonder, how much do their garments actually cost to make? Sure they pay their workers competitive wages, but doesn't that just mean they pay them minimum wage($8.00/hour)? Also, Le Sac Dress probably takes about

5 minutes to sew so that's $0.13 plus the price of the fabric which can be no more than $5.00 but is probably less. At those prices the company makes a profit of $33 per garment sold which is a 600% markup.

So I'm bootlegging the dress, dammit! Not only because it's way cheaper, but also because although AA seems to have become the uniform of our generation, and yes, I have been known to rock a tee or 3, those fools have hella questionable marketing and factory policies (Gasp!)

For one thing is the fabric itself actually made in LA? Because most companies can get away with assembling it here and then slapping the "Made in the USA" label on it (Thank You Behind the Labels! Also check out this cool exhibit if you're in NY) The hypersexualized advertisements of "actual workers" do not help the workers seem less marginalized either. ("Look Ma, a real live factory worker").

Not to hate on my purple sweatshirt wearing, skinny jean loving, rare-dunk worshipping homies, but the clothing they are marketing is what people have been loving the only difference is they make it readily available to everyone ACROSS THE GLOBE. (Hipsters, how does that make you feel?)

But on the whole, I feel that AA has cheapened the human rights struggle for factory workers by making it trendy and therefore taken less seriously, much the way the going green movement often seems contrived. We tend to believe what someone (anyone) is telling us; "Made in Downtown LA" relieves the conscientious consumers that we all claim to be so that we don't feel bad about the amount we obtain because there was no slave labor involved or because it was for a good cause (hello RED campaign!) Seriously, check out the reviews for any of the garments on the AA website:

Elisabeth: "I was only planning to buy one of these fabulous dresses but found myself coming home with two"

or Lise: "I bought this dress today in black and I adore it! I can't wait to get it in Forest and Sea Foam!

Boo.

Also check out this circle scarf which is literally just a piece of knit fabric which is made in a loop and cut into 2 foot lengths. I also happen to have one of these in my repertoire that I found lying around the house. Price: Free!

On that note I am starting a bootleg everything campaign, next on the agenda: handbags!

Not Everyone Will Settle for a 12oz Pepsi With Rum

If you ever worry that being unabashedly badass was a thing of the past, let me reignite your faith with a brief anecdote. Benny and I had just moved into our new apartment and we wanted to take our trusty movers (Chinita and Frosty) out for a thank-you-for-hauling-our-heavy-crap drink. While driving down Grand Avenue, we passed some folks hanging around a car before going inside Lucky Lounge. Nothing about them was particularly interesting except for the fact that casually resting on the roof of their car was a decanter brown paper bagged. Yes, a liquor-filled crystal decanter in a brown paper bag, personal size (see photo reenactment). If we were driving any faster or if I hadn't just given Chinita a decanter just hours prior, it would have never caught our eye. Decanters are hella tight and look fierce on any mantle or side table, but I never thought of taking one on the go. I didn't even know you could do that. Apparently some don't let the no drinking in public law hamper their style. All I can say is kudos for keeping it that real.

The Most Amazing Rapper You Never Heard Of

This is dedicated to all of you who wonder why Plies is famous, or who he is in the first place...

Our friend Frosty teaches an after school music program (recording, writing, mixing etc) and on the first day of school usually the kids go around and introduce themselves and say their age, school and favorite music among other things.

The majority of kids said they liked:

1. T Wayne. Not T Pain or Lil Wayne, but T Wayne

2. Plies. one kid even said, "Plies, of course."

This might not seem that outrageous to you unless you know who Plies is. But the thing is, no one knows who Plies is. He sort of erupted onto the scene if you can call it that since he's still relatively unknown. "Da Realist" seems to have some fans I guess, or at least some people pretending to be fans (apparently he has a large following of women).

Then, last night I heard this guy on the radio promoting his new album. Apparently this is is 4th or 5th album to date which drops December 16, his last album coming out a only 9 short months ago. Also, the dude said this is his best album to date, which the DJ agreed with and alluded that other reviewers had said as much. Plies also explained how he is an excellent business man because on this new album he has done what no other artist has achieved in the history of music: He expects to have 10-13 of the tracks off his album to be club bangers and be played throughout clubs and radio stations throughout the US. (His words)

This fool must be incredible.

"Bust It Baby 2"-Plies featuring Neyo

Plies Update 11.17:  When I first heard his name I thought "Plies, oh, like pliers?"  Then I thought, "No, he's not that stupid" but apparently, he is.

Also word on the street is he has a masters.  In the words of Wildman (see comments), "He ain't no gangsta."