Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Burger A Day

Day 1: Nikko's Cafe Shop
340 23rd Avenue, Oakland, CA(510) 533-1425

Point of Fashion: Diner
Yelp Invoked: Yes
Booths: Yes
Hobo Burger: Winner


A Note About Yelp: This panda is against it. Comments on websites can't be trusted. Have you ever looked at the comments on YouTube? At least the idiots who write those comments aren't trying to take themselves too seriously (or maybe they are?) but the Yelp personalities are extreme snobby snobs.


Update: Why aren't there more burger posts, you ask? Because this panda gave up after only 1 day. 7 days of burgers was a daunting task. Anyone feel up to the challenge?

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Potter Musings



Best theme song. Ever. Though I'm a little disappointed it was not featured in We Are Wizards the documentary about Harry Potter fans across the country. It features a hilarious interview with Brad Neely of Cartoon Network fame, and also with wizard rock icons including Harry and the Potters and their counterparts; Draco and the Malfoys.


Also featured, The Hungarian Horntails (a brotherly duo of 4 and 7 years old), and Melissa Anelli who has since co-written a nonfiction work —with none other than J.K. Rowling herself, about the Harry Potter fan phenomenon. Heather Lawver also speaks about the boycott of all things Harry Potter (minus the books of course) during PotterWar. The only person representing any opposition to Harry Potter is Caryl Matrisciana, one of many who believe that the novels encourage an anti-Christian mentality. That side of the argument was underrepresented, but after all, it's a movie about fans. That said, I would love to see a movie about other non-believers.
Technical aspects of the movie were sometimes questionable, (several sound issues among other things) but the overall charm of the story is undeniable.

Right now you can stream the flick on Netflix Instant or you can find it for free on IMDB.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Shoeless Shoes


Though, as a panda, I am accustomed to wandering barefoot in the wild, you homoerecti may find that it is nearly impossible to walk in your urban jungle without the help of some sort of foot covering.
Especially when it comes to exercise, you humans have invented every kind of fitness shoe from the hideous MBT, the aptly dubbed "anti-shoe" (no self respecting humon would consider those atrocities acceptable in public), to the FitFlop, the flip flop that "energizes your body" and "makes you fit", to the running shoe.
Apparently around the time Nike invented itself and proposed the wedged heel to cushion impact, this style became all the rage. That was in 1972 and we are still using the same basic design today.
Enter barefoot simulation technology.Various shoe companies in the past few years decided that this design was outdated. You might think that in 37 years someone would have invented a different type of exercise shoe. But no, only in the last 5 years or so have these new types of shoes become available largely due to the extreme cushioning, and limiting range of motion that hinders a natural walking/running style in running shoes today. Groups such as ChiRunning, and books like Born to Run have sprung up questioning the use of large amounts of shock absorbency in shoes since the foot has evolved to be a shock absorber in itself. There is conflicting evidence that proves both that flatter soled shoes prevent foot problems and that traditional running shoes prevent foot problems though there does not seem to be any evidence proving that either type of shoe prevents injury. (Of course this is nearly impossible to study since factors would include amount of time warming up, previous injuries, stretching regimen, how in shape the runner is already, and running style—does the runner pronate? How much impact does the runner create when running...this one would be particularly hard to measure since runners have a greater impact in a more cushioned shoe so even the same runner would generate different results in the 2 different types of shoes...? etc etc etc.)


Enter the "anti-shoe." Galahad Clark (Yes, his name is Galahad!) of Clark's fame has collaborated with the people at Vibram (the italian shoe company that soles my Frye boots) to create a shoe that simulates being barefoot.
Admittedly, from the outset this concept seems like an oxymoron—an eighty-dollar shoe that makes you feel like you are not wearing shoes. But supposedly this new technology, which makes you look (and feel) like a new-wave ninja turtle, will help the wearer redevelop the various muscles of the foot that have fallen into disuse after s/he outgrew the barefoot stage of childhood. For most of you humonoids I would imagine it has been at least 20 years. You still seem skeptical.
For one thing, humons in the cave days did not have things like cement, flat ground and broken glass to deal with, thus creating an immediate problem. However, Vibram FiveFinger is offered up for use in such situations as rock-climbing, martial arts, running, surfing, and weight training so according to their thinking these types of petty obstacles should not pose any sort of problem for the wearer.
Another seemingly important detail is the relative life expectancy. Cave men and women lived to what, 35? They didn't have to worry about one set of knees and feet lasting them well into their 80s. Of course knee replacements and hip replacements are becoming more common by the year, but that's not much of a fall back plan. I will take healthy feet and knees any day over recovery time from multiple joint replacements. This makes me think of the mouse who was going to visit his grandmother—his car broke down, then his roller skates and finally he had to buy a new set of feet because those wore out from walking so much.
Still not convinced? Fear not, beloved readers, this panda has purchased the versy shoe in question and will be trying it out for the next 30 days. Expect regular updates about foot soreness, blisters and other scintillating tidbits.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

My Halloween Costume

3 days is totally enough time to pull this off

s

Friday, October 9, 2009

Soul Collection


Is it just this panda, or is it weird that a car company has a site called "Soul Collective" on which they feature various artists that are really cool?
Just heard the new Janelle Monae, and saw a video of the making of her new song, Come Alive (The War of The Roses) at Wonderland. But then at the end of the video there's this weird part where she, uncomfortably thanks Kia for being so cool to create this collective. The collective though just seems to be a random group of popular and fashionable people who don't even know each other. Is that really a collective?
Maybe it's this panda's hippy upbringing but I always thought that collectives were for artists who all worked at the same venue. Or at least they all worked together. Or something like that.
Also they seem to give away free concert tickets when you test drive their cars.
They're so hip.

Excitement


October 16th.
Will you be there?
I will.
Not only is this one of my favorite kids books (OK, saying that is not so complimentary. I have about 100 of those), but the movie looks rad. The wild things look how I would imagine them to look. And Spike Jonez, with the help of Dave Eggers, is just the type of director to get it right. I think. I hope. (Apparently some of the techniques used to inspire Max Records, the 12-year-old who plays Max, included dressing up in various costumes and at one point Catherine Keener covered herself in fake blood to elicit surprise and fright.)

Second point of interest. Original soundtrack by Karen O and the Kids. !!! Not that I want to rave about the movie before I've seen it, but I kinda want to get WAY TOO EXCITED! Just caught the YYY's concert at the new Fox Theater.
Tangent Alert: The Fox is rad! Peep the site.
Also, the YYY's have amazing concert shirts. Here are some examples:
About Karen O:
Performance: yoga/mick jagger as my brother said, she's hapa (half Korean) and she has amazing fashion.



Third thing: (good things always come in threes, I like to say.)
Opening Ceremony has a jewelry and faux-fur line based on the movie and has, according to the WSJ, already sold out (90 adult-sized unisex wolf suits" priced at $610 a pop. Oh to be one of the lucky few...
OK, I promised three points of interest, but who can be mad about a fourth?
VICE has asked 24 artists to recreate their favorite moments from the book.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Help! There's A She-Wolf In My Closet!

Apparently Shakira uses an Spanish-English dictionary to translate all of her songs personally. This explains why we are graced with gems like:
Lucky that my breasts are small and humble
So you don't confuse them with mountains
and
As every voice is hanging from the silence
Lamps are hanging from the ceiling
Like a lady tied to her manners
I'm tied up to this feeling
But it doesn't explain why this video is so amazing. I've never seen so many quasi-belly-dancing moves, ice-skating moves and exorcism moves in the same place at the same time!

Here's a translation for all you non-hispanoparlantes:

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Boat Theme Trilemma

Panda's love theme parties. But what does one do when faced with a Boat themed pary?
Do you go Pirate? Yacht Style? Naval?

Of course this panda's armoire contains one entire outfit made out of a combination of the 3.

Here were some options:
  1. A Naval Officers Hat, Sword and Scabbard. Dress uni. (From pops) with sailor jeans. No shirt.
  2. Boat shoes, knot earrings and a shirt with chains all over it—accessory, scarf with map of Bahamas. No Pants
  3. Eye Patch.
Here's the look that made it out and was consequentially dubbed "Fly Boatist":

Monday, September 28, 2009

Did You See???

CB wearing my current favorite pattern.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Fan Mail

Look what I got!
All the way from Shanghai via Missouri.
I'm awesome!



Saturday, September 26, 2009

Pegasu

Current Obsession:
Yesterday this panda waited in line for WAY too long at a HUF warehouse sale.

Interesting Panda Fact #189: Panda's are very patient yet also discreet—just try to worm the amount of time wasted, I mean spent enjoyably in line out of me, I dare you.

By the way, when you say "HUGE!!! warehouse sale" doesn't that imply that the warehouse is huge? This panda does not proclaim to be an English Professor, or even be a native English speaker for that matter, but ??? The "warehouse" was a tiny storefront and former salon in one of those "neighborhoods", you know, the fancy ones.

So besides my obvious new obsession with "air quotes" I also got these:

Then I preceded to put them on and spend a good hour looking at all the other colorways online. While wearing them.
Ultimate dork status! Haha! Victory is mine!

Thursday, September 24, 2009

2 Birds With One Stone


"Yo, Chris Brown, I know you're picking up trash and all and Imma let you finish, but Boy George is the best trash picker-upper of all-time." - Kanye

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

November 19, 2009: Fire, Brimstone, Free Books?

Oh man, are you in for a treat! This video is great! A Romanian who says "hella" what could be more exciting than that! Answer: A Romanian who clowns Kurt Cameron!



Here is the 50 Page "introduction" (did I mention that she also uses air quotes?)

And here, for old time's sake, is the Banana Guy.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

There's Only One Problem

Mick Bigman has a problem. He comes from a long line of surfers; his father was an amateur surfer, his grandfather Rod Bigman a surf champion who appeared in 1960's beach movies like Beach Bongo. Unfortunately, Nick suffers from Hydrophobia, an anxiety disorder that plagues many Americans who suffer from this extreme fear of the water. Nick can't go near any body of water without breaking into a sweat. If he's tossed in the ocean or a pool by a bunch of pranksters, he immediately goes into a panic attack. Those who suffer from Hydrophobia have been known to drown in a shallow body of water they could have easily stood up and walked away from, the anxiety's that intense.

'Hydrophobia' revolves around the ghost of 60's beach movie starlet Karen Slater. When Karen's controlling Hollywood agent Don Bulaskyfinds out about her love affair with her Beach Bongo co-star, Rod Bigman (Nick's grandfather), her agent drowns her in a jealous rage. Overcome with grief DON seeks out the help of a local Jamaican witch doctor to bring his favorite beach movie starlet back to life.

There's only one problem. While what comes back resembles the beautiful Karen Slater, in voodoo mythology if a person dies a violent death, his or her soul returns as evil incarnate. In Karen's case, she's become a flesh-eating astral zombie residing in the pool of her old abandoned Malibu Beach house. Every spring Karen needs to feed on twelve poor souls so she can exist on this earthly plane for another year. And because she's an astral zombie, Karen can materialize anywhere in the house or pool area where there's water!

With the help of her keeper, Hollywood agent Bulasky, Karen lures a pair of college kids, who of course decide to throw a huge spring break pool party at her Malibu beach house! Being spring, it's feeding time again! To complicate matters, the protagonist, Nick, has a fear of the water so if he notices strange occurrences or claims to see weird stuff going on during the mayhem of the pool party, no one's going to believe him.

As the partygoers are knocked off one by one, Nick and his fun-loving dorm buddy Daryl don't realize what's going on – they're too preoccupied with getting laid! But when the girls (Alec & Cindy) that Nick & Daryl have their eyes on fall prey to Karen as they wade in the pool, Nick is forced to confront both his Hydrophobia and this flesh-eating creature who was once Karen Slater, the sexy 60's beach movie starlet Nick's idolized for years. As Nick's friends are about to find out in 'Hydrophobia', it's time to be afraid of the water ... again!

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Waive Your Hands In The Air If You Think Your Country's The Best!


This Panda was in New York, where she did nothing but frequent sneaker boutiques and party on rooftops.
She did happen upon the West Indies Parade which is 1. The livest parade she's ever been to and 2. Haiti is apparently the best, because they were the loudest, and had the most people waiving their hands in the air.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Current Obsession

Guess who's diamond anniversary it is?

That's right, Scrabble's! How'd you know? Besides schooling you in the game any day of the week, let me school you on deluxe editions I must own.

I wanted this anniversary edition suitcase:

(Night Shot)

That is until I saw this one:
L.L. Bean Edition

Pandas are suckers for wood panelling and a score-keeping binder.

Then, the person who I school most days of the week found this one in his parents' attic:

Scrabble 1 Panda 0

Monday, August 10, 2009

Summer Vacation: It's All About Toilets


Why does The Mallard (amazing dive bar for bikers and impromptu high school reunions) have a Toto? Apparently the owner went to Japan and when he came back it was Totos for every stall.

Also see this?
That's a Google Toilet. Also top notch quality--it has a remote!

Nora Roberts, the famous romance novelist seems to enjoy cleanliness as well, her B&B in Boonsboro, Maryland rocks the deluxe edition. (Also read this article about her in the New Yorker, it's insane!)

Lastly, check out this amazing posting on Boing Boing about a vicious attack toilet.



OK one more thing, Toilet Moonwalk!



Sunday, July 19, 2009

How Will I Ever Decide...

...which shirt is best?

Saber Toothed Tiger?

Mister Mitten's Big Adventure?

Three Keyboard Cat Moon?
I heart you, threadless!!!

Monday, July 13, 2009

A Blanket For My Feet

As many of you know, this panda recently traveled to the distant land of Calgary where she reveled in the western nature of the "Greatest Outdoor Show on Earth" also known as the Calgary Stampede.
There was much for her to see and do there including
Chuckwagon Racing,
Team Cattle Penning:

Stock Dog Trials:


and much much more.
There are a lot of cowboys up there, hats and boots for all, not just folks attending the stampede. There were even neon and purple hats, but this panda could not bring herself to that kitschy level (though it was almost impossible to resist). Wrangler's were in full effect to my immense pleasure.
However there was one aspect of the Stampede that I did NOT enjoy.
Apparently the style for cowgirls is to wear shorts and cowboy boots. Some were getting into it with any old boots. This was an ugly style. It was the kind of thing that looks OK when your in the moment on vacation but when you look back at photos you are displeased. The only difference was, I was displeased in the moment.
The only thing that made up for it was finding these amazing blazers made out of a Pendleton blanket (and I've been back for a week!):





Pandas Are Old School

Old games with a modern twist:





Saturday, July 11, 2009

Tribute?

Yes yes yall, my new favorite artist has come out with my favorite kind of jam, questionable lyrics and a possible cry for help. You can tell that Ron really loved MJ because he's giving up the game to honor the only "R&B singer that really makes me cry."
Read this article and download the song ASAP!
Wish I could post it to the site but for that we have to get a host and pandas are lazy (duh).
OK, Ron, I admit it! I miss him!

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Thursday, June 25, 2009

RIP MJ


Illigitimately, only one radio station is playing a marathon...of slow jams, which I love, don't get me wrong, but pandas can only hear so many slow jams in memorium while drinking PBR without weeping.
Bars also seem to have little respect since they were playing house music (?!) and dancehall (?!?!?!).
My heart hurts.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Simon 2009

Pandas need not use their opposable thumbs to play this amazing instrument.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

My Favorite Swedes

Some of my favorite Swedes are fish:

(Red ones only please!)

Some of my favorite Swedes are puppets:


And some of my favorite Swedes are puppet masters:

Monday, June 15, 2009

Vegastasticocity

This camel is returning to the desert in the form of a trip to Vegas. My only goal is to try to look one tenth as fierce as La Prohibida. I have one month to find as many jumpsuits as possible.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

The Art of The (SMS) Text Message

True, the acronym may stand for Short Messaging Service but that doesn't mean you get to skimp on the caliber of the message; quality not quantity my friends. Think of the SMS as a tiny work of art attempting to imitate that which we are lucky enough to call our lives. Here are some guidelines to set you on your way:
  1. Limit your message to 1 text. Each text is 160 characters including spaces and punctuation. Feel free to use abbreviations such as u instead of you, 2moro, btw, idts, and even ytmnd to convey lengthy sentiments that are easily understood. There is but one exception to this rule. A text message may be longer than one text if the joke you are making is that you are sending the longest text message ever. No other exceptions.
  2. Use correct spelling. Except in the above scenarios where alternate spellings are used to abbreviate, make sure to spell everything correctly. Especially when using phones with a QWERTY keyboard. Remember, each text is both the first and final draft. Make a good impression on the recipient. If an misspelling is somehow overlooked, never admit the mistake. As in cooking and art, turn the mistake into your own advantage.
    Example 1: "OK. I have to frop off the camel firlst...that's right, firlst."
    Example 2: "And when I say frop, I mean it!"
  3. Think about what you want to say before you say it. Don't just fire off (SMS)'s willy-nilly. Put some thought into your written work. Make the recipient laugh. Challenge him or her to a battle of wits. If you need to, take the time to distract yourself with something else for a time. Don't worry, the cleverest response will come.
  4. In this day and age, it is sometimes easiest to communicate a simple message via text. Other times it is easiest to converse via phone. WRONG. Never call, and even more importantly, never give in to a fellow texter who insists that you call them. Consider each text message conversation a duel in which calling would indicate defeat.
  5. And finally, get creative with emoticons. No one wants to see your boring smiley face.
  • P) person wearing an eyepatch
  • P{D pirate wearing an eyepatch
  • :B vampire
  • :") Lil' Wayne

Good Thing It's Summer

So I can plan on making this hat for next winter. Then realize I am freezing cold and wear it in July.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Keeping Score

# of weddings to attend/attended by Shotor within 12 months: 8
# of weddings attended by Chinita: 0

I think the real winner is clear.


Thursday, June 4, 2009

Think About the First Time You Ever Held A Sausage In Your Hand


Panini on wheels, what could be finer? Since pandas, apparently hate sweets, or at least prefer savory snacks, I can safely say the salumi cycle's better than the ice cream truck!


Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Queen of the Jungle

That's what pandas are...I thought you knew.
But since I'm an urban panda, and I don't get to travel to my queendom much, here are some things that remind me of home:


What's that you say? You say there are no cheetahs or tigers in the jungles of Asia? Very well, here are some more subtle styles to keep me honest. (You can't say we don't have snakes!)

And here's what royalty wears in the company of commoners:





Saturday, May 30, 2009

Winners Circle

And so, on the epic day of the Slash 30th anniversary celebration, when yours truly won the grand prize, (a sweet cruiser bike)  Shotor managed to win 3 pairs of jeans! In a row! The best of which is featured below:

But the Shotor was not satisfied with the riches she received and wished to peddle her pantaloons for their worth in gold dubloons.  The Panda was puzzled as to her motives since the afore mentioned pants gave the wearer the power to resemble the bear from her favourite children's tale:

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Dossier

Name: Chinita Linda a.k.a. Captain Lavender
Associations: 1/2 of the infamous internet alliance Camelus Pandaluribus Unum
Hair: Assmetrical
Eyes: Good Lookin
Height: Under Contention
Spirit Animal: Panda
Favorite Color: Neon
Last Seen: With glazed over look in eyes, sneakers on brain.



WARNING! This fugitive is armed and dangerous. Will not hesitate to trample to attain neon Nylon dunks.